Divorce can be process filled with a range of emotions. But while you take steps to personally heal from the breakup, you should also check on your little ones.
Kids of all ages can find divorce hard to understand or have difficulty adjusting to life after divorce and, in turn, feel sad, angry or stressed about. To help combat this, you can try and ease the transition, stay positive for the sake of your children and check in on them regularly.
Slow down the changes
An underlying theme of most divorces is change. For children, this will include moving, balancing life between two homes and seeing one parent at a time. The good news is you can try and slow down or eliminate some of these changes.
If your children seem to thrive with their current routine, you can consider a temporary nesting arrangement before making a big move. This means you’d keep the family home and let your children live their full-time, while you and your ex-spouse take turns taking care of your kids there. If nesting isn’t an option, you can try finding new homes within the realm of your current place, so going to a new school and having to make new friends isn’t part of their post-divorce reality.
Lead by example
Being a positive role model for your children, even through stressful times, can go a long way. When parents lead upbeat lifestyles, children tend to follow suit. So, if you’re still processing and reacting to the some of the stressful parts of divorce, it’s important to keep in mind that your child could be taking note of your mood. Or, if you speak negatively about your ex in front of your child, then they might feel like they have to pick a side. This can cause short-term confusion and can have a lasting effect on your child’s mental health.
Use reassurance
From your first conversation about divorce to months after your divorce is final, it’s important to keep up with how they are acclimating to everything. Younger children might feel like they caused the divorce, while older children might be mad at both you and your co-parent. You can help them cope, by providing ongoing reminders that nothing they’ve said or done sparked the divorce and that you love them deeply.
Your children will look to you during the good times and the bad, so it’s crucial you guide them through this new phase and hear them out when they express their feelings.
